The Holmes Family newsletter
[Editor's Note: This may be the last issue.]
Jeannie's dog, Chance, finally had her puppies. Ten of twelve survived, eight of which are female. And they're on sale this week! Jeannie was quoted as saying "Our prices are so low, it's INSANE!"
Dad and Eleanor were spotted at an A's game recently Dad taking batting practice, and Eleanor warming up in the bullpen. Eleanor has been asked to throw out the first pitch in this year's World Series. And they want Dad to sing the National Anthem. I think someone should tell them Dad only knows one song.
Variable, depending on where you are.
This reporter has been undergoing chiropractic treatment at Diane's clinic, and the results have been favorable. Similar reports have come in from former patients, Doug and Jeannie. Good work, doctor!
Don and Diane are taking up a collection to "Save Michael Jackson's Nose." Anyone wishing to make a tax-deductible contribution can send a check or money order to "Michael's Nose", ??? ?????., Hayward, CA 94541.
Due to lack of interest in the Bill Holmes masterpiece, "Prize Catch", the offer will only be good through June 22, 1994.
Anyone hearing of an IBM-PC-related user support-type job should notify Bill at (415) 886-4645. Have computer, will travel.
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Thousands of our readers were apparently upset that no mention of Greg or June was made in the previous issue. Well, due to our limited staff, this paper cannot cover southern California. However, if you are planning a vacation to So. Cal., in between the Universal Studios Tour and Disneyland be sure and see the sights at Greg's house. Aileen will play the piano for you. And maybe, if you're lucky, Bryan and Andy will let you play on the swing.
John July 2 (I think)
[For a complete rundown of all the birthdays of everyone ever born, plus their sock size, call Grandma.]