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Family newsletter

  Old stuff, but some of it's still funny ... It's basically the precursor to this website. Click the links in the table of contents, above. Otherwise, just do a search in the home page's search box for "newsletter" (without quotes).... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 4

   Fish Stories Best when lightly buttered, with just a pinch of lemon. Vol. 6 No. 4[sometime between April and August 1994] ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 5

  Behind the Eight Ball Who is that behind the eight ball, anyway? Vol. 6 No. 5, August 21, 1994 Jeanni... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 6

  Coyote Breath Vol. 6 No. 6, October 26, 1994 Don rides to Denver In August, Don rode his motorcycle from Nashville to Denver. He wouldn't say why or what he did while in Den... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 7

  Yee-Haw The only newsletter we do! Vol. 6, No. 7, December 29, 1994Belinda Has Puppies! Another one of Lucy's dogs has gone and had a litter of pups. This time the mother is Belinda, a Rottweiler, and she gave birth to a litter of ten, nine... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 7 No 1

  The Wandering Eye Vol. 7 No. 1, March 19, 1995 [We're back! Sorry it took so long between issues, but the entire staff was frozen solid in a block of ice the past three months. We just now thawed out. You know how it is. We should have known better... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 8 No 1

   Once in a Blue Moon Vol. 8 No. 1, February 1997 A lot... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 1

  Itchy Trigger Finger Vol. 6, No. 1, February 6, 1994Earthquake in Southern California! We're sure you've heard all about it on the news, but we just wanted to mention it in case you've just recently emerged from a cave. It happened at 4:31 a.m. PST... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 2

  Falling Down a Manhole (can be quite painful and should be avoided) Vol. 6, No. 2, March 1, 1994 ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 6 No 3

   The Obtuse Moose Vol. 6, No. 3, April 21, 1994 ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 1

   The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 1, Since 1989 September 25, 1989 [Editor's Note: This may be the only issue, so pay attention!] Announcements Well, the big news, of course, is Steve and Denise's engagement. The wedding is set for th... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 1

  The Stupid Kangaroo Vol. 5, No. 1, February 1, 1993 Editor's Note: This newsletter welcomes the New Year (kicking and screaming, but that's to be expected) and we wish all our readers (and a few others) a happy, healthy New Year ("Boldog uj ev!" in... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 2

  The Sacred Cow Vol. 5, No. 2, March 15, 1993 Dad sucked from plane! Well, almost. And it was 41 years ago. [Hey, nobody can accuse us of being accurate or current (or relevant, for that matter)!]Anyway, as a big corporate executive for McGraw Hi... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 3

   A Face in the Crowd Vol. 5, No. 3, May 25, 1993 Eleanor Gets License After taking the DMV driving test every year since the age of 16, Eleanor has finally passed and been given her drivers license!"It just goes to show that perseverance pays o... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 4

   Not Just Another Newsletter MONDAY, JULY 19, 1993 CIRCULATION: From 8 to 15 (depending on our mood and how many stamps we have) Copyright 1993 Bill Holmes Enterprises 2 pages BILL ARRESTED That's right. Bill, this newsletter's editor, was... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 5

   the rabblerouser Vol. 5, No. 5, August 8, 1993 Bill moving to Nashville Bill is moving to Nashville, Tennessee to pursue his boyhood dream of being a country singing star! Oh wait, that's Don's boyhood dream. Bill's just moving there for the hel... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 6

   Hoot and a Holler Vol. 5, No. 6, September 28, 1993 — Nashville edition — Journalism at its finest! — Yearly subscription rate: $135 Brouns family buys property LATHROP, CA - John, Jeannie, their kids, Tiffany and Thomas, John's s... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 7

   The Rotten Apple "Journalism with visible holes" Vol. 5 No. 7, December 1, 1993 Mike Rolls Car! LIVINGSTON, CA - Remember we told you about Mike's new car in the previous issue? Well, he... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 5 No 8

   The Happy Hairball (something we keep coughing up) Volume 5, Number 8 December 20, 1993 Publisher: This guy -->> Editor: Same guy Distributor: Brave little delivery boys and girls worldwide Address: Nashville, TN 37215 ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 8

   The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 8, October 23, 1989 Earthquake!   Where were you when it hit? Don was just leaving his office on the 15th floor in downtown San Francisco when the whole building started to shake. "I sur... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 4

   The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 4, August 1, 1989 Largest Tri-Weekly Newsletter Circulation in the West! [tri-weekly (tri-week'lee) 1. we TRY to get it out weekly) [Editor's Note: This will probably be the last issue. See artic... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 9

  The Holmes Family Newsletter A Newsletter With A Mission In Life! Vol. 1, No. 9 Worldwide Circulation November 21, 1989 The Environmental Issue Only 34 days 'til Christmas And where will this year's celebration be? Well, Lucy... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 3

   The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 1 No. 3, July, 1989 [Editor's Note: Due to profanity, nudity, and the mature theme of this issue, parental discretion is advised.] Mike made the Cal State Stanislaus Dean's List for the '88-'89 s... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 10

   The Holmes Family Newsletter  Vol. 1, No. 10 Worldwide Circulation December 6, 1989 Newsletter sold!... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 6

   The Holmes Family Newsletter  Vol. 1, No. 6a*, September 17, 1989 Everyone seems to be on a diet these days. Lucy and Jeannie are trying a low carbohydratehigh protein diet. Don's trying good old reliable starvation. Eleanor is on the ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 5

  The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 5, September 5, 1989 Jeannie breaks elbow Placed on Disabled List Lathrop — While attempting a "sling-shot" maneuver during a roller derby match last month with teammates Tiffany and Thomas,... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 2

   The Holmes Family newsletter  June 23, 1989 Vol. 1, No. 2 Since 1989 [Editor's Note: This may be th... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 1 No 7

  The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 1, No. 7, October 5, 1989 [Let's face it, these things are going just keep coming.] Steve arrested Steve received his first speeding ticket ever recently. Of course, this is the first car he's ever had that co... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 1

   HARD COPY Vol. 2, No. 1 "Hard-Hitting Journalism" January 3, 1990 [formerly known as The Holmes Family Newsletter] Predictions for 1990 Elvis Presley will still be dead. Vice-President Quayle will be kicked out of office and reas... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 2

  Bullseye Vol. 2, No. 2, January 26, 1990 [formerly known as Hard Copy; before that, The Holmes Family Newsletter] Denise expecting! Taking her cue from Lucy's dog, Coyote, Denise is also expecting puppies, er, that is, a child sometime m... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 3

  Billy Club Vol. 2, No. 3, February 8, 1990 [aka Bullseye, Hard Copy, The Holmes Family Newsletter] Diane now a doctor Call her "Dr. Holmes" now. Diane Holmes, D.C., to be exact. She passed her exams last month and is now officially a... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 4

   Billy Club A newsletter for the 90's and beyond! "News That Hits You Over The Head" Vol. 2, No. 4, February 26, 1990 Coyote has puppies! Lucy's dog, Coyote, had four "little shepherdy things" on Friday, the 23rd. Yeah, ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 5

  Big News & Other Stuff Vol. 2, No. 5 [Yeah, another new name.] March 19, 1990 Mike to return early Mike has had a change of plans and expects to return from Germany at the end of March, assuming his mom can afford the return airfare. Ot... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 6

   the NEWS Vol. 2, No. 6 [Back in spite of popular demand.] April 16, 1990 WORLD NEWS Mike is back from Germany and looking very European. (Fancy haircut, pale complexion, but otherwise healthy.) He's having trouble getting used to speaking E... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 7

   the NEWS Vol. 2, No. 7, May 1, 1990 [Editor's Note: We would like to apologize for that last issue, but we won't. We'd like to say it'll never happen again, but hey.] Mike gets job Mike has taken a job as a process server for a Modesto priv... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 8

   The Holmes Family Newsletter Vol. 2, No. 8 "Anniversary Issue" May 25, 1990 [Editor's Note: This is the big one! The big enchilada. The killer tomato. It's the anniversary issue! (Aren't you excited?) It was one year ago today that a... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 9

   WORLD NEWS "Award-Winning Journalism" Vol. 2, No. 9, June 14, 1990 Dad kills rattler! Special to the News Back from a week in the wilds of Arizona, Dad and Eleanor told of battles with man-eating coyotes and vicious attack-rattl... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter vol 2 no 10

  Things You Need To Know Vol. 2, No. 10, July 16, 1990 "Pioneer Portuguese" now available World famous Portuguese historian Lionel Holmes's latest work is now available at a store near you. Don't be surprised if they're sold out. Sales ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 11

   the NEWSLETTER Vol. 2, No. 11, August 13, 1990 Doug makes pilgrimage Doug, aka "Sluggo", made a pilgrimage to the Mormon church's genealogical library in Salt Lake City over a week ago and hasn't been seen since! Several theories ha... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 12

   The Newsletter Vol. 2 No. 12, September 17, 1990 "Your Only News Source" It's a girl!! We asked Denise if she could hurry up and have the baby because we wanted to put out this issue. And, sure enough, she had the baby two weeks ea... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 13

   Hometown News Vol. 2, No. 13, October 20, 1990 [Editor's Note: This is most definitely the last issue.] Bill graduates! After seven months, Bill has finally completed his computer programming course! The school, MTI Business College (a schoo... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 14

   The Daily Gargoyle Vol. 2, No. 14, November 16, 1990 "Just when you thought it was safe to open the mailbox!" [Editor's note: For those of you who actually believed, or hoped, that there wouldn't be any more newsletters, well, all we c... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 2 No 15

  NEWS, ETC. Vol. 2, No. 15, December 18, 1990 "Christmas Issue" Lucy to Host Christmas Lucy will be having Christmas at her house this year. It's a potluck affair. Only those with food will be allowed in. Says Lucy, "It'll be ver... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter vol 3 no 1

   news from La-La Land HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Vol. 3, No. 1, January 4, 1991 Newsletter editor murdered! The editor of this newsletter was apparently murdered "some time over the weekend" according to police. We think it was our editor, anyw... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 3 No 2

   the NEWSLETTER Vol. 3, No. 2, February 10, 1991 It's a girland a boy and a girl and a boy ...   Chance, a dog, has given birth to seven little dogs. Three boys and four gi... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 3 No 3

  and now ... THE NEWS Vol. 3, No. 3 (yes, only "No. 3") April 26, 1991 Doug returns from Hungary On March 21, Doug left Sacramento for Budapest (pronounced "booda-pesht"), Hungary. Takin... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 3 No 4

  the Evening Star Post-Tribune Dispatch (we couldn't decide on a name) Vol. 3, No. 4, June 4, 1991 Bikers ride to Yosemite On Mother's Day, John, Jeannie, Don and Diane (collectively known as "Hell On Wheels") rode their motorcycles to... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 3 No 5

   NEWS Vol. 3, No. 5, July 6, 1991 Northern California's leading newsletter since 1989 (except for those few months when we were Southern California's leading newsletter) Record heat melts Sacto!Molten steel and rubber cover city The mercury has ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 3 No 6

  The Leaky Faucet "Irritating, yet soothing. Obnoxious, yet hypnotic" Vol. 3, No. 6, July 30, 1991 Sapphire dispute settled out of court Steve of Sacramento, CA, invested in a sapphire venture a few ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter vol 3 no 7

  The Leaky Faucet Vol. 3, No. 7, October 14, 1991 Mike lands great job! Michael has been named Executive Producer of Cal State Stanislaus' new bi-weekly cable television show. It will basically be a show focusing on happenings on campus, and Mik... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter vol 3 no 8

  The Leaky Faucet Vol. 3, No. 8, December __, 1991 Steve & Denise host Thanksgiving Turkey was served and everybody ate it. What else is there to say? Okay, so it was an excellent meal thanks to the efforts of ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 1

  The Leaky Faucet Vol. 4, No. 1, January 4, 1992 "Everything you've ever wanted to know about anything." Diane has surgery On December 3, Diane of Hayward, CA had back surgery done on her back (always a good place to have back sur... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 2

  The Leaky Faucet Vol. 4, No. 2, February 13, 1992 "The quintessential newsletter." Warning: May not be suitable for the humor impaired. Elvis lives! Yes, all your prayers have been answered! "The King" is alive and ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 3

  The Leaky Faucet Vol. 4, No. 3, March 18, 1992 "More of the same, basically." Doug elected president With this nation in the throes of its quadrennial tradition of political rhetoric and b.t., one name has gone relatively unnoticed:... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 4

   The Squeaky Sprocket Vol. 4, No. 4, May 11, 1992 "The intelligent person's newsletter of choice." Riots in L.A., Earthquakes in So. Cal and Eureka! Is the world coming to an end? Probably. And did you notice that all these things ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 5

   The Broken Record Vol. 4, No. 5, June 25, 1992 "Predictable, irritating. Really, no redeeming qualities whatsoever." L.A. riots: The aftermath In the aftermath of the Los Angeles riots, religio... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 6

   The Barking Dog Vol. 4 No. 6, July 22, 1992 "Who names these newsletters, anyway?" Earthquakes, earthquakes! We're sick of earthquakes! Why doesn't the government do something... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 7

   The Belching Frog Vol. 4, No. 7, September 16, 1992 "Thomas should like this name." Doug returns again On August 26, Doug returned from Europe for the second time in as many months. Of course, ... read more

Holmes Family Newsletter Vol 4 No 8

  The Leaping Lizard Vol. 4, No. 8, October 20, 1992 EDITOR'S NOTE ... After Grandma's recent birthday party (see article below), this newsletter was swamped with requests from people wanting to be added to our mailing list. (Someone had apparen... read more

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