WILLIAM ARTHUR HOLMES (contact me here)

Alex

Alex: "Do you fly to Malaysia?"
Ticket Agent: "No, but Malaysian Air at the next window does."

Alex: "I'm a trusting person. I just took my doctor's word for it."

Ludwig: "Violence, terrorism, chaos, mayhem. It's what we do! Of course, officially, we 'protect' our clients and count entire countries among our clientele."
Alex: "The old protection racket!"
Ludwig: "Yes, but more sophisticated. We are world leaders!"
Alex: "That might explain what's wrong with the world."

Alex: "Do I look like a shoplifter?"
Employee: "Kinda. Yeah."

Alex: "I don't normally harass complete strangers, let alone pour my heart out to them. I'm probably still in shock. Not responsible for my actions, and all that."

Alex: "I try to be cool. I now know something about being an outsider. Nothing like what s/he must feel, but I can commiserate."

Alex: "You look different somehow. New haircut? Gain weight?"

Alex: "These guys would crap their pants if they had an actual terrorist to deal with."

Alex: "If I seem flippant, that's just how I cope. You either laugh or you cry. You apparently start referring to yourself in the second person, too."

"Who are you? What is this all about?"
"I've been asking that myself, actually. I can tell you one thing: The people making me do this are not anyone you want to mess with."

Alex: "Wanna see something?"
Riva: "Not especially, no."

Alex: "Am I in the middle of a bad dream or something?"

Alex: "There are an awful lot of monkeys around here."

Alex: "Luckily, she doesn't care that I'm using one name to have my prescription filled, and an entirely different one to pick it up."

Alex: "I was fired today. But wait, there's more! Coming home early, I caught my girlfriend and now-former best friend cheating on me... and filming it... in my bed. Turns out, they've been doing this for a while. Yeah."

Alex: "So we blow them up? How does that help?"

Alex: "I've been told a toilet flushes in the opposite direction in Australia. My life can go down the drain in the opposite direction!"

Alex: "What? You don't like umbrella drinks?"

Alex: "I wave goodbye. He flips me off. I nod and smile. It's good to make friends, meet new people."

Alex: "Kuala Lumpur!? Are there a lot of koala bears?"

Alex: "He drops out of line altogether to get away from me. Chicken. He is walking very fast, looking over his shoulder. Now he is running. And now he is being tackled by security guards. Poor guy."

Benny: "Oh-oh here she comes. Watch out boy, she'll blow you up!"

Alex: "Life! It's a smorgasbord! It's all there for the taking!"

Alex: "So, who are you with? CIA? NSA?"
Riva: "You think you rate a visit from one of them?"
Alex: "IRS? TSA? NBA?"

Alex: "My girlfriends are always female."

Alex: "You're going to shoot me now!?"
Riva: "It would make things a lot easier."
Alex: "It was not a suggestion!"

Riva: "Have you ever wondered why you were chosen for this? Have you ever asked yourself, 'Why me?'"
Alex: "No. I'm not the type. I just figured sh*t happens. Just having a run of bad luck. Funny."

Alex: "From now on, call me Alex... no... Axel. Yeah, Axel McLean. I like the sound of that. How about Axel Winchester McLean? Ooh, good one."
Random Stranger: "You sound like a car wash for heavy machinery."